This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the day after is always just damage control
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize