She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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