Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize