Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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