mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
