just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
