I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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