Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
