I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
