Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize