Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
