Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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