Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
