she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
