I am puke
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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