I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
