So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
