He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
