Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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