even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
