...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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