Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
