This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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