I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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