So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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