I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
