Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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