After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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