ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
