i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
