At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize