I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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