Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
