Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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