Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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