The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
