I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
