I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
do nipples grow back?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
