im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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