So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
