once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
