I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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