i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
