I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
