remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
