the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
