Pregnant stripper...not hot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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