i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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