i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
