I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
