the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
