I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
