He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize