is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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