he shaved USA in his pubs
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
