I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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