Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
