my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
