The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
