And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
