he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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