I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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