dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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