a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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