So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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