I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
