when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
