Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
