I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
